so let’s go back in time a bit. let’s talk about june 2012. i went on an okc date with this guy. we went to a bar/restaurant called odd fellows. we ended up ordering a drink, then another round, then the bar suddenly closed and we ordered a double round so 3 glasses of wine (for me) later and 3 beers later for him, we left the bar, held hands, spoke of liking each other, started making out on the street en route to volunteer park where i wanted to look for prostitution and drug deals. i knew he would be up for the adventure where as past dudes, like the guy i’d dated for a few months, thought i was scary and stupid for wanting to watch shady stuff happen in a park. dude conveniently lived close to volunteer park. we made out on the lawn. it got boring. i looked at the stars. i went home with him, as long as he understood, “we weren’t doing it.” he lived in a house with 8 people. he clearly -being a 25 year old- lived in one of the basement rooms. we did it….kinda…i had my period. he loves periods. i left the next morning. we texted that week. i “ended up” at his place on friday night, since i happened to continue a night of drinking a few blocks away from his house. i came to his house, he was getting high to “pussnboots” with his roommates. we went downstairs, we started making out, we did it. it was fun. we went to bed. we had did it in the morning. he had to “get brunch with a friend.” he walked me out, made out with me on his stoop and that was it. i texted him at some point, that text was responded to a few days later. i got the message, or lack thereof.  

fast forward to july 2012, some cool guy on okc invites me to a house party on the 4th of july. he lives by volunteer park….in a house…with 8 other people. sound familiar? i’ve never met the guy. sounds like an interesting party and better than driving to bellevue and not being able to drink. i go to the party. meet other dude…shortly thereafter run into june dude. chemistry’s still there…it’s not weird…it’s fine…in fact, there’s a certain spark still.  after my accompaniment friend leaves, i work the party. he works the ladies. cool party. seattle unfrozen moment. i make a lotta new momentary, fleeting friends. as we transition from 4 pm to the cold evening, i participate in a water balloon fight with someone, i’m soaking wet in shorts (and it’s cold) and ask dude, “do you have a drying machine?”

“oh sure, let me show you where it is.”

we go to the basement. we make out on the laundry machine. we have a talk in the bathroom about how he doesn’t want anything serious…he’s been trying to date the last few weeks but it’s just not working for him. i explain hooking up in the bathroom is clearly not a date. i get it. i got it. i’m on board. let’s do this. we do it.

three hours later, he frolicks off with some other ho bag while i hang out with a bunch of other 25 year olds who all work at the space needle. i hang out with one of the guys a few weeks later. we get in a fight about literature in a basement bar. we never hang out again.

remember this story?

so now it’s february 2013. i deactivate okc. realize it’s not worth my time and i have feelings for another gentlemen and even if that falls apart (which i think it is), i won’t be using okc anytime soon. i’ll be out in the market and at bars picking up game. anyway, i notice june dude has visited my profile. that’s weird. delete okc forever. and then this happens about a week later:

-dude (somewhere between the hours of feb 2nd @ 9 pm and feb 3rd at 8:30 am pt): Hey. It’s been awhile, this is chris, not sure of you
remember. still in capitol hill?
Sorry, totally random. I was just randomly thinking about our
bathroom fun at our 4th of july party.
– me: (feb 3 @ 11:47 am): hey chris of course i remember you. the
musician (saw an ad for your band at moe or moes, as i call it).
i am actually moving to the other side of cap hill. closer to the park
and that was a top moment of 2012. sup?
-dude: hah hey. oh nice, i like it on this side. that was one of
the top for the year, huh? i guess i was/maybe still am looking for a
similar moment.
-me: of last year, kid. this year has been amazing. oh really?
-dude: yeah just a thought.
-me: just a moment? or plural?
well either way, sounds like we should catch up sometime. kick it off
at odd fellows?
-dude: yeah that sounds good. and that bathroom experience was a fun moment.
-me: agreed.
or is that your way of inviting me to a bathroom?
-dude: hah right now? oh i don’t know about that. unless you know
some good bathrooms around?
-me: i am in cali so that doesn’t seem likely.
i would think i would need to preview the latest chris. you may be
obese and scary now.
-dude: oh yeah probably not.
how many gals are you sexting but not?
i got like 7 going on. international too.
-dude: hah i don’t think this counts as sexting. unless you’re
implying that we send other pictures. then that’d count.
-me: nah this doesn’t at all. it’s actually g rated.
-you’re quite the multitasker.
-me: not sure if you’re being facetious but i am
-dude: no i am too. but i’m still going to send you a dick pic.
-me: won’t do anything for me. bet you 10 dollarz you’re getting
stoned at your house.
-dude: whattt? nothing? nah, i’m watching the super bowl at a frieinds house.
-me: sans marijuana?
so flatter me a sec, why are you looking me up? you boned a chick 3
hrs later on the 4th of july…just didn’t have the same memory you
tied to it?
-dude: yup. just beer.
i did what now?
-me: ?
-dude: um i guess it didn’t?
-me: it doesn’t really matter. thought you did. either way 4th of
july was quite some time ago…
random, which i appreciate and am all about, but was just wanting to
be schmoozed for a second
-dude: hah well it was definitely a good time. and pretty memorable.
i remember how you started it too, taking off your sweatshirt cause
it was wet.
it was pretty hot.
-me: aw. oddly complimented by your little jizzy memory
the bold moves got ya?
you’ve had no sexy time since though? that’s kinda sad
-dude: oh what? no i have. i’ve done the relationship thing up
until a couple weeks ago.
-me: that’s what i figured. seems to be your pattern.
-dude: you know my pattern? huh.
-me: yup. the im a free bird but then with a gal for a few months
and then i am free.
it makes more sense then being single for 7 months and then reaching
out, right?
-dude: yeah sure. glad you got me so nailed. never mind.
-me: was that meant to be a pun?
and who was the missy?
i can get all the info in person. i have an absurd memory in case
that is not obvious so i know all.
-dude: not sure i’m feeling it do much anymore. i find that fact you
feel like you’ve recognized some sort of ‘pattern’ of mine a pretty
big turnoff.
-me: no worries. i just remember you had a gf…were doing the cas
dating and then you just had a gf again…
and the 4th talked about how you weren’t wanting to date/were doing
the single thing and i explained the bathroom was clearly not a date
and i understood what it was aka bathroom moment
this could all be misconstrued via text too
let alone i dont know you well enough to know a pattern but above is
stating the relationship facts/your history, as i know them, based on
your presentation
-dude: sorry, i dont know why i get so weirdly defensive.
i guess i read it to be more judgmental than you meant it.



there were a few more texts from me…asking if he still worked in marketing. could i get a work meeting?

and about a week later, while talking about my “love life” or lack thereof, with a dude friend, we challenged each other to send a “hey” message since it was 11 pm on a sunday evening. I sent “he” and then a “hey*”. i laughed. kerry said i need to be with someone who can make me laugh. i laughed again. i had another glass of wine and as i was dead sober, i apparently transitioned into that super drunk stage where you do cardio and kick your ass at 9 pm and then drink a 1/2 bottle of wine for dinner, go to bed an hour later and the room spins.