You know how there’s that last girl you date that is so awful to you so that you will never date again?  You leave so bruised and battered that you swear you will never date again.  The next one is for real: the next one is marriage.  And that evil gal continues to date and she follows all her exes and each of them get married in their next exploration for love.  I seem to be having that effect on people except you go on a date with me and one week later you have a girlfriend. Hang out with me and I can guarantee in seven days you will be in a relationship, just not with me. There seems to be a theme called, “Chelsea leaves town for a week and dudes get girlfriends.” this has now happened to me twice. The first time I went to Costa Rica for a week, came back and my questionable friend had a girlfriend. That was fine and great because I thought of us as friends and wanted love for him.  We also had a legendary evening hanging out on his boat, watching the city from a peer, and laughing a lot.  I found his love for horrible white rappers amusing and terrible; he called me critical. He threatened me by showing me a dark chocolate bar and taking it away from me.  He even said, “Chelsea, you are like a walnut.  Tough on the outside, although not that tough to crack and then soft meat on the inside.”  The night became so epic that I had to page my roommate to pick me up and for the next 24 hours, I had the syncing sensation that I was on a boat. So when I found out buddy had a gf, my immediate reaction was “glad we had that legendary evening when we did” and “I wonder if I will be doing a trail run with that guy…like ever.”  The second time I went away for Thanksgiving holidays (I say plural because the day of thanks lasted for several days in the family: 1 literal holiday, 2 my birthday, 3 my sisters birthday, 4 the birth of my niece, 5 the resurrection of James bond movies 6 the celebration of Chelsea’s future malaria to be received in South Africa in 2 weeks, 7 the wrath that my sisters boyfriend will feel when the entire family asks why he has not said I love you to my sister) and was informed while away that Charlie had a girlfriend and it was so legit that they were PDA.  In fact, his ego had inflated so much, due to new gf, that he was wearing extremely tight spandex pants and showing up at these parties to show his small chest and sexual conquest.  Now for those who don’t know, date with Charlie was legendary in the worst kind of way, in a how do I get out of this and I came home and ate another meal, soberly, because I was so hungry, kind of a date.  No big loss on this one either.  I am contemplating texting the few remaining guy friends I have in Seattle to see if they too have fallen in love in the last week.  I wonder how many dudes will land girlfriends when I go to South Africa.  And sorry to say that the probably the one I questionably like will ensured have a special lady friend by the time I am back.

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