5 AM wake up. Lie in bed for two hours wondering how and why I’m awake at 5 AM. make list of 32 things I need to do on various pieces of paper/receipts/envelopes/notepads.
7 AM go to the gym. Crush it on the stairmaster. Burn 500 cal in 40 minutes. I will show my body who is boss. Lazily stretch on foam roller. Wait for recruiter to call me who sends . Recruiter calls late. I am dehydrated. I am losing steam. 8:40 AM- lectured about poor follow-up I say I know it was poor follow-up; I don’t care. Well, I don’t care that you don’t care. Let me tell you about what you did anyway. This feedback can be positive for future interviews. I know. I know you know. Then lemme say it anyways. Sometimes these interviews are all about follow up. The interview doesn’t even matter. It really is about the follow up and that is becoming more important, more important than the interview itself. I’ve noticed that a lot lately. So Chad said something like you followed up six days later, which either that’s the way you roll, or something happened, or you just suck. But it just didn’t make a positive impact. He did say that he liked you though. But the follow up just, sucked….well, let’s talk about the new roles that we have. (Okay, turns out there’s maybe two new roles and no reason to hop on the phone). Tell me why you won’t let me apply you for brand.net? Note, this helps me! Help me. You don’t like in-banner game advertising?…What happened with Adaptly? I never heard from them. I thought they didn’t want to talk to me. That may be true. They may not like you. What happened with RGM Connect? You tell me. That call never happened. Quantcast? What you applied on your own? How did you do that? Your sister knows someone. How did you not tell me that. Jennifer? Do you mean Jessica? Damn it. Get back to me so I can move on this ASAP. 9:00 AM stumble home. Body dead. Bad job stretching. Do I stretch? No. 9:15 AM shower. Yes, you heard me correctly. I shower regularly now. 930. Note from same recruiter, caps, “YOU ROCK.” Seriously? 10: lie in bed. Can’t sleep; I have 32 things to do. 10:30 Leave for library-ish area. Must go to Zulily to buy leg warmers that go up to baby’s thigh that Matt told me about (no, they don’t make them for humans and by humans, I mean adults). Text friend who is at library, “want to escort me to buy this new niece of mine a present?” (note: Friend is an uncle. Seems into being an uncle. Perhaps he wants to know about leg warmers that go up to baby’s thigh, not as weird as it sounds to ask for an accompaniment to Zulily. Note a “hey do you want to get me pregnant and have a child together and buy children’s clothes for that child” kind of text). Steffen, library friend, gives the brush off without giving the brush off. He also doesn’t walk places. P Square is too far. I will do this solo and get lost in the kid’s world. Walk past library. Form blister on bottom of foot in between “thumb” toe and bridge of foot aka worst place to form a blister on foot. Do I really want to do this even though it’s a bit out-of-the-way? For Charlotte Marie, anything?!?!? Start at #1 1st Avenue and walk to #2000. Last saw the library about 1 hour ago. Walk by stadium, walk alongside freeway (forever), as I approach Zulily, I think, “hey this looks a lot like a headquarters, like SOMA, like an abandoned factory that you buy out when you have a company of 500 people working in an office.” Excited when I see clothing hanging on a rack, books and a child greets me. Quickly notice the rack of clothes has some note about a photo shoot and that the “library” is just a few books. Speak with two secretaries.

CA: Hey, I’m here because I wanted to buy some clothes. My friend told me about Zulily and how amazing it is, but now that I’m here, this looks much more like the headquarters/office space vs. a store-store. This is where you run the show?

Secretary Clan: Yeah, this is this is our headquarters are. Zulily is just a website. We don’t have stores. But we appreciate you stopping by. You can buy all the clothes online.

CA: There isn’t a physical store?…Yeah I suspected there was no dice on that. Well, I look forward to buying these legwarmers that go up to your thighs on the Zulily website. And by your, I mean your body has to be that of a babie’s, right?

SC: Thanks so much for coming by and sorry about the mix up.

CA: No problem. Cool office. Glad to see it….Hey, do you guys have any jobs?If not obvious, this zulily experience is the equivalent of walking into amazon and asking whether they have books

PM: Little did they know I was not excited to have walked all the way to Zulily for no apparent reason. Blister gets worse. Limp a little bit in cowboy boots. My little sock keeps falling in a way that creates more and more friction on the blister so walking is painful. Call Grandma to get catch up on meeting sister’s boyfriend. Grandma can’t hear me. Too much traffic on the street.

CA: I will put you mute. You can speak to me and I can just listen!

MA: I don’t understand you. I can’t hear you!
CA: Please!

MA: What??!

1 PM: Walk by dry soda storefront. For those of you have not learned about Dry Soda, they are naturally flavored sparkling water ranging anywhere from 45 to 60 cal drinks. Richard was the first to introduce me to the cucumber dry soda and a doggy day care center in Portland, OR was the first to introduce me to the rhubarb soda. Cucumber is the best. Very refreshing, coming from person who does not like cucumber. Walk-in and greet man behind the register with a,

CA: Hey, question? Why do you not make a ginger beer? Ginger beer is the best and I think your drinks are the best and I always want to have a ginger beer from you guys.”

DS Dude: That’s a good question; we debate this on a daily basis, but you have a good point. I should look into that…put it in the suggestion box, maybe.

CA: Maybe?

DS Dude: Yeah.

CA: (sigh) I’ll take a Cucumber. Cucumber’s the best, right?

DS Dude: Yeah, Cucumber is my favorite.

Square transaction. $1.87 charge.

12:00 PM: Verizon Store. Issue: Dysfunctional keyboard post Costa Rica. Bad keyboard= bad texts, bad emails, tough time writing “work” related replies. Must try six things before they can send away for a new phone. Read Norwegian wood. Watch as a crazy person walks into the room lecturing them (store people) about three day phone phone warranty and lack of ability return overly smart smartphone for free. Learn that and his the Verizon Corporation and headquarters are on 6th Ave and Union. No, this is not a corporate office; it just looks like it with the pretty branding.

Grandma calls.

Phone shut down.

Grandma leaves message.

Grandma calls.

1:00 PM: Exit VZW store. New phone being shipped to apartment. Inform Grandma will call her at 2:30. I now have 1 hour to actually do work (of 32 things to do) before NWFF interview.

Talk to Steffen who informs me that he has an interview at Zulily the next day.

Steffen: Isn’t the place cool?

CA: Yeah, it’s not a store.

Steffen: Well, yeah, duh. Of course, it’s not a store.

CA: Why didn’t you tell me that? I can’t believe you’re going there tomorrow.

Steffen: It’s a website.

CA: I’m well too aware. (pause) I hate you. What did you think I meant by text, want to escort me to buy this new niece of mine a present?

Steffen: I thought you might be interviewing there.

2:40 leave for NWFF. Limp on blistering foot. Call Grandma.

MA: How is the job hunt going?

CA: (insert essay here) Hey, gotta go interview for this volunteer position which is unpaid? Crazy, right?

MA: (cackles)

3:05 walk into NWFF (see separate post)

3:30 walk to Urban Outfitters. Shirt has sat in closet for 6 months. Shirt no longer exists. No dollar. Oh, okay, let me spent $80 then on blouses with sheer backs that will make me entirely too cold.

4:00 Walk to the Lookout for drinks with John. Run into old man. Old Man walks me to the Lookout and educates me about area. Lived there 25 years. Worked in Urban Planning. You should have seen this place 20 years ago.

4:15 Meet John for drinks. Talk about men and women. How men never have the equivalent of feeling molested or taken advantage (sexually) by women? True or not true. Of course, that is not true. Everyone feels that way. Reveals that gay friend hit on Jon after gay dance club party and he felt violated. Did he touch you or your arm inappropriately? No. You seem disappointed by my story. Tell John story of debit card. Nailed it. Had him an uproar. Speak of kissing; dead tongue kissing in which mouth sits in your mouth. Talk about Mumford and Sons. Heather calls John. Is my sister calling you? Huh? What? My sister is Heather? Oh. Heather calls again. Maybe you should answer that. What is up Tizzy? Mexican tday for LA? This is his greeting to Heather. Who is this guy?

7:15: meet Katie on the streets of 11th and Pike

7:30 to 7:45: Steven’s apartment with Katie. Jens Lekmann is on. This is my favorite song; I want to dance to my husband with this song. I play “Your arms around me.” 1 shot vodka, 2 shots Jamison. Chased with 1 gummy bear penguin from Trader Joes, Milk chocolate covered pretzels from trader joes and then a junior mint. Soak ½ of gummy bear into vodka shot that does absolutely nothing. Take photos of Katie in my vest and my lipstick. Take photos of Steven in my best. Compliment Steven on his wine collection which oddly seems to resemble Kerry’s wine collection. Maybe this is where my missing bottle of wine ended up.

7:45 Trader Joes: Booze stop

7:53 Community Bike Potluck Party on Wednesday. Mingle. Mingle too well. Host talks to me way too much. See guy who likes me because I’m “mean” to him. All our interactions have been bizarrely hostile. Boy-man is nice…not even nice but petsky, almost talking to me in baby voice. Weird. Beach House is playing!!! I want to hear the song from The Future. Hang with Katie.

12:00 go home. Steven and Kerry please hold my arm too. Let me listen to Coldplay on Pandora and high school throwbacks. Let’s make tea when we get home. Sleepytime tea for sure. Take photo of Steven wearing Kerry’s dog flannel pajama pants. Giggle. Watch New Girl. Watch The Mindy Project (not as good as Mindy’s novel about rejection).

12:30 AM go to bed

Next day: Wake up at 5:30 AM